Some of us dont get Choices
by PrincessButtercup
Summary: cordy's pov of her choices in live..it's a readie type thing..cant summerize with out telling the story


Disclaimer: dont own them never will.  
Note: Again this is for Queenie who always wants me to write, even though I'm so bad at it. ~L~ I'll get over because i dont want to face her wraith.  
  
  
  
Sure he was short and he talked funny and he even kinda dressed funny. But I think, no I thought, no I'm sure I loved him. Love him. I still do in my own my way i guess. I think i'm cursed. That must be it. Its the only reason I can think of as to why everything and everyone I love goes away. Yeah it hurt when my parents got everything taken away but me? I just jumped right back to my feet, granted it was hard but what else was I supposed to do? I really had no choice, just like everything else in my life. Then Xander came along. Ok hated the geek at first then he kinda grew on me and everything else just went from there. There was actually a point in my life where I thought he loved me. Boy was I ever wrong. I should have seen through it but I was so shallow I couldnt see nothing past my perfect nose. That's kidna shallow isnt it? Well damn it i deserve to have these moments. Back on topic. Xander. Yes i loved him. I can admit it openly now. Then i saw him kissing Willow. Man, was that a shocker and wasnt something i ever wanted to see. I still replay that night in my mind, also because i got impaled on a pole which i dont recommend because not only does it hurt but it leaves a nasty scar.So basically what I'm saying is that he scared me inside and out. After that I didnt think I could love again. He hurt me bad. Not only hurt but humilated me. I tried to play it off as if nothing happened be level headed, mean Cordelia but inside I was dieing. I never thought you could feel like dieing before. Then He came along. Strange wierd lil Doyle. He was my lil Irish man. He probably loved me from the start. Love at first site maybe? Well who wouldnt I am kinda like a knockout in the looks department thank God for that. He was utterly sweet to me. Called me Princess. That I really liked something I could definatly get used to. I guess maybe because I was "his" princess. Not that i was tagged as his but now I dont think I'd mind it so much. It was the way he said it just rolled right off his tounge in that cute lil accent of his. His crystal blue eyes, god they were beautiful almost entrancing and hypnotic if you stared into them, they shone really bright when he would talk to me. I really loved his hair too. It was black and cut short I always wondered what it would look like if he let grew out some. I bet it would be unruley and sexy, i know if told him that he would let his hair grow out or heck even buy a wig or something. Anything to make me happy and I was so blind so dumb! I never even thought about it. Ok so I did. I thought about him alot he was just one of those guys that just wouldnt leave your mind he made an impact on my life and I wish I could tell him. I wish he knew. Even in demon form I still loved him. Doyle was a hero not because he saved the world with his life because he touched many lives..well ok maybe just mine and possibles Angel's and that's not easy feat because me and him? Well we'er like one in the same when it comes to people but Doyle was our common bond. He brought us closer. He did alot more then he probably realized and everynight before i close my eyes I thank him for being in my life and I whisper I love you, and everyday i wake up, i thank him for giving his life to give us ours. Oh did i mention his smile? Those dark pink lips that would curl up into this smile like he knew something we all didnt. He smirked alot to. It was way adorable. I love him. I cant help it, if i had the choice I wouldnt because it hurts to know he's gone from me and I cant have him back. No. I would keep it the same because Doyles taught me alot. About who I want to be. Even gave me something nobody ever could his damned visions..now see that choice, i would say no to. NO NO NO! Oh did i mention when we fell asleep on the couch together...?  
  
END 


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